Dear Tiny Baby,
Mommy and Daddy have been looking at all sorts of baby names lists, hoping we can find just the right one for you. This is a huge responsibility. I mean, we are giving you the name that you will be known by for your entire existence on the planet Earth unless you legally change it, which is a huge pain so you probably shouldn’t bother. We have waded through lists of names that are gorgeous and names that are awful. Some of them we laughed at and others we actually cringed – how can people actually name their child some of these things?
The thing about names is that it’s a delicate art form. You have to consider the meaning of the name – while I’ve never found the meaning of a name to be vital to my liking or not liking it, others do, and for all I know, you will, so I should respect your possible opinion. Lots of commas in that last sentence. Bad English major. Anyway. The meaning is semi-important, just so we avoid naming you a pretty name that means “evil deathbringer” or something. And then you have to look at your surname. Ours is Mincks. Fun to say, easy to pair names with – but names that end with M or N can be kind of hard to say with Mincks. I love the name Sam, but Sam Mincks sounds kind of weird. Then there’s the whole thing with the middle name – can you just toss whatever you want in there, or are you obligated to make sure it flows well with the rest of the name?
It’s really hard to decide what we will name you. Especially since we don’t know whether you’re a boy or a girl. We have to come up with options for both! Fortunately, knowing what not to name you is easy. Like I said, there are some bad ones out there. My personal favorites:
Placenta (I’ll tell you when you’re older)
So rest assured. Even if you grow up not to be thrilled with your name (we promise we’ll try to give you a really good one), you’ll never be known as Alias Placenta Mincks.