Dear Tiny Baby,
Some of the people in our lives are absolutely insane. Usually this is in a good way – after all, Mommy and Daddy are total nutcases, but people seem to like us – but occasionally it can be a little…odd. This isn’t to say that we don’t love the insane-in-an-odd-way people in our lives, too, but we have learned that they will occasionally…well, be a little overwhelmingly insane.
Having a baby is super-exciting. You are the most exciting thing I have ever had to look forward to, and I’m a girl who flips out around Christmastime, so you can only imagine (side note: just wait until your first Christmas. It. Is. ON.)…however, I am also a firm believer in accomplishing one gigantic thing at a time. For example, while I was planning my wedding to your daddy, I wasn’t also sitting there trying to plan buying a house and having kids (don’t take that the wrong way, please) and a career change or anything. I was just planning a wedding. Sure, the other stuff crossed my mind, and I did what I call “pretend planning”, where I daydream and come up with elaborate plans, but none of it was serious.
Upon finding out that I was getting married, the reaction of most people was to congratulate me and then ask how the plans were going. The reaction of the insane-in-an-odd-way people was to ask if we were planning to have babies. I hadn’t even decided what color I wanted my shoes to be on my wedding day. There was no way I had thought seriously about kids at that point. Sure, I always knew I wanted to be a mother (which is why I had such a stunned-but-YAY! reaction to you). Daddy knew he wanted kids eventually. But we were trying to take it all one step at a time.
I bring this up because of something I have been asked several times by various folks in my life of the insane-in-an-odd-way persuasion. That question tends to almost immediately follow my mentioning of my pregnancy with you. That question is this:
“Are you going to have more than one?”
Let me ask your opinion, Tomato, and since you can’t see/hear/speak/comprehend this issue in full just yet, it’s totally hypothetical: does that seem like an appropriate question to you? To put it into baby context, it’s a little like you announcing that you finally got the hang of rolling over and I immediately asked your plans for running track. One thing at a time.
I know people are just curious and that they have only the best intentions, but still…the pressure Mommy and Daddy are feeling right now is intense. We have to figure out things like future housing, financials, whether Daddy wants to go back to school or not…all of that on top of the usual stuff that comes with planning for a baby. The idea of even thinking about having another baby right now just makes my head spin! Don’t think that I’m more upset about this than I am. I’m actually not upset at all, just a little taken aback that I’ve been asked this as often as I have. And please don’t blame yourself for any of the stress that we are feeling – believe me, it isn’t your fault. Stress is there whether or not you are, and I’d much rather have you than not have you!
Did that last sentence make any sense at all? Was it even proper English? I kind of doubt it. I have a little pregnancy madness today and have been watching Hudson spin in circles for about ten minutes.
Just wanted to give you a heads-up and a quick apology ahead of time. I want you to be aware that people will ask you questions with good intentions that will add a little stress to your life, and I want to apologize ahead of time because I’m almost positive I’ll do it at least twenty times in your lifetime. I promise I only mean well.